Sharon Deans has military life in her DNA. In this blog, she explains the challenges that forces families experience, how being part of the Military Wives Choirs was a game-changer for her and why she relishes being involved in ELFT’s support for veterans.
I have spent most of my life in an armed forces community. I grew up living near a military establishment with many friends from the community. My grandfather and my stepdad were both from military backgrounds. I was an army cadet for 5 years. I met my husband who was in the army when I was 21
Military families become a close community, because the families face different pressures than most. For example, never underestimate the impact of your partner going away and how this can make you feel. In my case, I moved to Germany shortly after getting married. My husband had left to go on tour mere weeks after I arrived there with two children and another on the way. I felt very isolated and alone when he first left but soon made friends and felt supported. It’s a family of sorts when yours is not around. And, whilst many families may have a parent who works away for periods of time, the risk of injury or loss of life to a military parent who is working away is on a different scale.
Another unique aspect of military family life is that you do not know how your partner will be on their return and how they will respond to their own fears and experiences. My partner has post-traumatic stress disorder and it has been a battle for us to work through this but we have done it together. I sometimes find it hard to talk about without getting tearful as the impact on military personnel and their families can be huge and needs to be talked about for others to understand.
Military families can also move around a lot and have new postings (Places to live and work). In some cases, you will stay with your unit that you are assigned to. This means that you move with people that you know and can make friends in no time. But this doesn’t always happen – I had to move back to the UK alone with my children leaving my husband behind. I knew nobody where I moved to and I struggled for a while to find my feet in a new area but again the community around became a support network.
Joining a Military Wives Choir really helped me when we moved to a posting in Dorset. Coming together with others for not only singing but friendship and more has been the best thing I have ever done for myself.
There are now over 70 choirs across the Military Wives Choirs network. We have a core repertoire of songs that we all sing which means that when you move from place to place you can easily join a new choir - and know a lot of what is already sung making it easier to feel like you fit in. You don’t need to have any experience with singing to join, just the drive to sing and connect with others. I’ve been singing in the choir for ten years now and have been in two choirs in the network in that time. I recommend it to anyone with a military connection at every opportunity because I know first hand the benefits and support it can bring.
I got involved with ELFT's Veteran work via a phone call from a fellow Military Wives Choir friend. After an initial call with Jane Kelly, ELFT’s Armed Forces Community Clinical Lead, talking about developing support for veterans and making contact with ex-military people who needed help, I went from answering a few questions to being part of the team that I am immensely proud of.
We do a range of things within the project. I often work on family training or meetings on behalf of the team because of my lived experience speaking to social services, and others to help give them a greater understanding of what we as a community need and want. We provide staff training to give them an insight into the needs and barriers of people who have been in the Armed Forces. I feel so passionate about this that occasionally I can become emotional when doing presentations but I have realised that it is important to not be afraid to show this emotion as this can be powerful.
I’ve done QI training whilst being on the project, something I had never even looked into before being on the team. There are many opportunities working on this project to enhance our skills and knowledge, and to network and my confidence has definitely grown within my two years.
I am now a volunteer for The Ripple Pond, a military charity who support military families. The work that I do with the project gave me the confidence to apply for a role.
So to people reading this on Armed Forces Day, I would like to say thank you ... for wanting to understand and for taking the time to read it. If you would like to know more about what we do on the project or to be involved, please do not hesitate to contact us.
More Information
ELFT Veterans work
Military Wives Choirs,
Veterans Aware Trusts
The Ripple Pond