In this blog for Armed Forces Day, Glynis Freeman, an Armed Forces Veterans Champion in the Trust, talks about the ups and down of military life and of life outside the RAF
How I became involved with forces life:
To be honest, I didn't actually meet my husband, I met his friend, but my husband was the one with the car, so my friend and I got ourselves a lift home. That was it. Didn't give either of them a second thought. Then I heard his friend on the hospital radio and thought I would pop in and say hi. However, soon after that, his friend was posted and somehow my husband took over. 2.5 months later we were engaged. He then went away for the summer, but popped back for the odd day or two every now and then. He was an airman and was working on the airshows for the season and having fun. Then October came and the season had ended and we got married on camp in the November. However, there weren't any married quarters available for us for another 8 months. I finally moved into one the following summer.
The highs and lows of forces life on partner and family:
No-one actually said anything, the highs and lows were far more apparent in their behaviour. I had always lived at home with my parents until I got married. It was restrictive but I was fine with it. My mum was happy I had left home and was now running my own home. She had been reminding me that she was married and running a home from the age of 19, whilst I was still living at home at 22. My Dad, on the other hand, rang me every day to make sure I was ok. Their attitudes were so opposite. He had served in the army and was convinced I would be better off at home with him.
My husband was different again. Once living away from my family and living on camp, he changed. There were subtle differences, but the differences were definitely there. No emotion. He had colleagues, of course, but he wouldn't let anyone get close enough to form what I would call a proper friendship. He was very careful not to let anyone get too close to him, so acquaintances and colleagues were fine, but never to be called friends. For me, the community was great and supportive. We were all in similar situations, a lot of us were away from home for the first time and getting used to forces life and being away from the nest that was our family home. We supported each other, had lots of fun together, shared shopping trips and took each other's families sightseeing when they visited. The padre called on me to help him support new wives to settle into camp life. I made a lot of friends and had a lot of support in return. It was valuable.
Leaving the forces:
We found and bought a house. However, doing our final march-out felt strange and for the first time, it all hit home. We had a home to go to, but no job. Once that front door was closed at the end of that march-out, we left camp and looking back from the other side of the wire, we could see the house that had been our home, and of course the camp. But suddenly we were no longer allowed onto the camp or into our house. It was overwhelming. I didn't want to leave that house that had been my home. I didn't want to leave that community or the friends that I had made there.
The next two years were lonely, very lonely. The house was in a village. We had chosen a village setting because we thought it would be much more of a community and it was, but not how we expected it to be. As outsiders we weren't very welcome. We were kept as outsiders. The children were fine - children are much more flexible and adaptive. My husband found a job after just three weeks but he didn't really know how to adapt to civillan life or work so the first couple of jobs were short lived. But then he found one that was much more suited to him and he thrived at work from then on.
Involvement with ELFT:
I was working in a voluntary capacity at my local GP surgery with the practice manager and was the chair of the practice patient participation group. The practice manager saw an article looking for people with lived experience of the forces community to join a project with ELFT and thought I would be suited to it. So I responded to the article and applied. I had an informal interview, more like a chat really, and my journey as an Armed Forces and Veterans Community Champion started.
Projects:
I have been with the Armed Forces and Veterans Community project virtually since the beginning and have seen it grow and grow. I am part of the core triple aim team and was involved in developing the QI main triple aims of the project and developing the objectives and signposts relating to each of those aims. I was a member of the team that developed the original staff awareness survey, which has since been developed further now. I have trained as a Quality Improvement Leader, most recently working on a review of the third triple aim, the families.
Life now:
Life is ok. It's had its ups and downs. It's had its issues but I guess that's just how we roll now. I've lost both my parents now and husband has lost his dad. Just his mum left now, and she is currently 98 and about to turn 99.
Eventually we felt accepted in the village but it took around two years. It seemed everyone's husband came from one of two trades, farming or car mechanics. Of course, my husband knew nothing about either. I went to a mum's and toddler's group but then left as I didn't feel welcome. I never did go back there but I did find another one and that one was so different.
I think my message to the public would be: Please, if you have someone new move into your village or your street, please be inclusive and welcoming. Say hello, smile, it's the little things that count and make all the difference.