However, identifying with our eating disorder can bring mixed feelings
“Now it’s actually often something I introduce myself with. I was reflecting on this today, it isn’t ideal. [In my work in mental health] I’m using my own story so it kind of comes up straight away, so more and more it’s getting a part of my identity.”
Certain traits commonly associated with eating disorders can become the framework through which we view ourselves. This means that other parts of our experience can get missed.
“The perfectionism thing and that all or nothing thing, of course I’ve self-identified as those things, so I wasn’t mad that she would say things like, ‘that’s the perfectionism talking because you’re a classic overachiever eating disorder patient’. But it almost felt like she was sometimes caricaturing me a little bit, or that she’d sort of had an idea of what she thought I was and was projecting that. It wasn’t that she completely missed and didn’t get who I was at all, but it was just that she slightly twisted or distorted or exaggerated the vision she had of me a little bit – and sort of missed all of the more nuanced parts of who I was.”
This can also sometimes make us feel confused about ‘who we are’
“Sometimes when I have experienced some of that kind of 'boxing' it's made me question myself.”
“I definitely only identify with anorexia because I was told that's what I have. The way I eat does not fit.”
The strength that we have to use to go through the process of recovery can have a positive impact on our sense of self – making us realise how brave we are
“Before I’d had an eating disorder, I wouldn’t have actually self-defined as brave. Or I don’t think I necessarily would have had a reason to think of myself as a courageous person. But I do really remember that there was a turning point where I felt like both times after I recovered, and now having been recovered for several years, I feel like I do see myself as a brave person. And I suppose it’s almost like my eating disorder is tied to my identity for a good reason – because I defeated it. That’s something that I actually like [about the identity]. I think of myself as brave for that reason – well, for multiple reasons, but that being one of the core reasons.”
“[Recovery] is really, really hard. So, it does feel like I wouldn’t have had to prove my own courage to myself otherwise.”
