Q&A with Selina, Service User

An interview with Selina, who has received treatment from the Community Disordered Eating Service at ELFT.

Below is an interview with Selina, who has received treatment from the Community Disordered Eating Service at ELFT. She worked with Rehana, a Clinical Associate in Psychology, and Colette, an Advanced Eating Disorders Dietitian. Selina shares some of the ways in which the service has impacted on her recovery and the way she relates to her eating disorder.

How did you think about your eating disorder before this experience of treatment?

I’ve been involved with services for the past five years. During most of this time, I did not think about my eating disorder as an illness and rather depended on services to ‘fix’ me if I got really unwell. In previous treatment, as soon as I was discharged, I would usually revert back to my eating disorder behaviours.

Photography by Katharine Lazenby, taken whilst an inpatient receiving treatment for anorexia

How did you start to think about your eating disorder (and your recovery) during treatment?

When I was first referred to Rehana, she asked me what I thought my recovery looked like and what it is I struggled with. I was blown away - this was the first time a specialist had asked me what my recovery could/should look like. Rehana was able to work with me to understand my cultural and traditional values, especially as family meals, religious occasions and celebrations all hinged around traditional food. Rehana was quick to identify that away from concerns around size and weight, I actually struggled to eat as I had many food fears – particularly around traditional food.

So, you felt like the service understood your individual needs?

I really appreciated the fact that I was being offered support by BAME women. This is very important to me, as I feel like they were able to understand my narrative and offer me support in the context that worked for me. I felt like an individual - like I was being treated as Selina and just not another statistic.

What else was helpful about the treatment?

The food education sessions were a very good tool as they allowed participants like myself to come together and learn about food and nutrients. I did not feel like I was being dictated to by a specialist who had no real idea about the difficulties I was facing. Instead, the group consisted of specialists, people with lived experience and a group of people who were all struggling with a food issue. This made it extremely relatable. This made me think about other people’s journey and I did not feel isolated.

Photography by Katharine Lazenby, expert by experience

How has it changed the way you speak about your eating disorder at home?

Before, it was embarrassing to think about eating disorders as it’s an unknown illness in my culture. I struggled with low mood and the challenges of raising boys as a single parent. We kept silent about my issues and my family only spoke to me about it in private. Now, my children are my biggest cheerleaders – I had never realised they were living this with me. Me and my children speak about food and food challenges all the time. When we shop for food, we think about what we enjoy – there are no good or bad foods for us. However, I also know it’s ok to have food you love and food you dislike; for example, I’m allowed to struggle with spicy food regardless of my south Asian roots.

How has the treatment changed the way you think about/relate to your eating disorder?

I can say honestly that this has been the first ever time I felt like I am actually on the way to recovery. Yes, I still have bad days, but I do not punish myself with food. I finally felt a sense of liberation, as though this was in my control – I realised that only I could make myself better and that ‘getting better’ actually means living life to the fullest. We did some really good activities such as numbering the fear when facing a food challenge, then scoring again once the challenge was met. I go to this repeatedly and now I know that with consistency, I know I can teach my brain that food is ok – just like I had previously taught it that food was scary.

How do you see your recovery moving forwards?

My recovery is a journey I have embarked on; at some point I will be discharged from all services but that will not mean the end of my journey. I will keep going, I will utilise the resources I have been given, I will recall all the things Rehana and Colette have taught me, and I will apply it to my life every day. Eating disorders are treatable, no one needs to feel like they will never recover from this. It is up to us how we take back that back that control.